Burning Embers
by Soul Bucket
Summary: Obviously, Cas and Dean's escape from Purgatory wasn't pulled off without a hitch. Late entry for FroggyClan's May Writing Challenge.


_**A/N: FroggyClan monthly writing challenge entry, hopefully. I took a lot of creative liberty with this, because that's what fanfiction is for.**_

_Now things are getting rough_

_Yesterday's hope won't be enough._

_Come morning, I will never be the same,_

_And you're to blame._

_-lyrics by seedysunflower on tumblr_

* * *

There was nothing right about being back on Earth. Dean said his goodbyes to Benny, parting with the vampire and promising to see him again. In truth, the vampire wasn't who he really wanted to see again, but he would do. Benny wasn't bad, he just wasn't Cas.

The woods were eerily empty, not a sound was heard except his own feet crashing into the leaves and sticks. He had grown so used to that sound, though, he had learned to hear around it. A year in Purgatory did wonders for the reflexes, it seemed. No animals, no signs of a campground, nothing. He didn't even know what country he was in, for crying out loud, but there was no other way of getting himself out of the forest. He kept walking, kept walking, even though pretty much everything in him just wanted to fall into the undergrowth and sleep for years.

He was so _tired_. A whole year of running, and he was ready to drop. A whole year of barely surviving, of just barely getting by and hiding in the trees to get 1 hour of sleep while Cas watched over him. A year of crawling back, chest or stomach torn wide open and bleeding all over his tattered clothes, but Cas using his angel mojo to keep him from dying and keep him safe long enough to stagger to his feet and keep running. That's what Purgatory had been, running, hiding, killing anything that found them.

It was pure, it was Purgatory, and it was gone. Benny, too had left, and Cas- well, he didn't want to think about that right now.

Dean stumbled. His hand raised to his forehead, coming back down red and sticky from blood dripping down his temple. He spent so much time in pain it was hardly a new thing, but it was surprising. He could _feel_ the dirt caked to his face and clothes, too, chafing against his skin as he walked. He must have looked like utter crap, but there was, as yet, no way out and he needed to get to Sam before doing anything.

Far off in the distance, he heard noises, and at this point, he didn't care who or what it was. He headed off in that direction, sometimes losing the sound but always able to pick it up again. When he got closer, he saw burning embers in an otherwise empty firepit. He saw tents, two of them, and knew there were people. Real, non-vampiric people, and it felt so strange and beautiful to know that not everything in the woods was trying to kill him.

One of the person's stuck a head out of the tent, and did a double take when his eyes fell on Dean. "Oh!" he cried, sounding surprised, but not as surprised as a normal person should have been at seeing a bloodstained, fierce looking man with a strange sword outside the tent. Maybe Dean was just losing his touch.

"Where am I?" he forced out, voice low and growly from disuse.

"W-what?" Now the man was frightened, as he should be.

"Where's the road?!" Dean managed to pull off sounding desperate, angry, and demanding all at once without going to pathetic, which was nice when negotiating with a half-asleep young man.

The man points off, somewhere directly to his left. "12 miles that way," he answered, voice shaky but audible.

Dean grunted a meagre thanks and headed off, grateful to have somewhere to aim for after all this time.

* * *

_Several Months Ago_

Benny had gone to watch, or find something, or some other task. Dean didn't really pay attention. His head hurt and his eyes were blurry and he could barely make out the ragged, dirty trench coat of his best friend.

They managed to build a fire, even though Cas insisted against it. Dean and Benny had been adamant, and Cas had snorted and muttered that if they got caught, he was teleporting away without them.

Dean knew he wouldn't do that, not again.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said, rubbing tiredly at one eye and allowing himself to relax.

"Hello, Dean," Cas answered him, with a small smile that meant the world to both of them.

Dean sighed softly. "You okay?" he asked his angel. He knew an angel trapped in Purgatory was probably sacrilegious or something, and he wondered how the guy was coping.

"Surprisingly, I am alright, given the circumstances." Cas glanced down at his own chest, at the torn and graying white shirt from the mental ward in the hospital, as if remembering how he was just before Dick exploded on them and gave them a one way ticket to Purgatory.

Dean chuckled softly, staring into the burning embers of their little campfire. Neither of them seemed interested in getting more wood. "It's good to have you back, man," Dean said, sincerely. And _man_, was that an understatement. Dean had been caught in some tricky stuff, but losing Cas, only to have him back for a grand total of five minutes before he lost all of his sanity was one of the most painful experiences he'd ever endured, when it came to family. He'd been grief-stricken, then relieved, and then confused because Cas was _almost_ there. The tantalizing hints of his sanity would shine through, then get buried by the crazy. It had hurt so much, seeing Cas, the powerful angel of the lord, reduced to a bumbling idiot with a thing for honeybees.

"It's good to _be_ back," Cas muttered. Barely audible, but Dean could still hear. He grinned, not meeting Cas's eyes, and stared up at the stars, definitely _not _seeing how awesome the galaxies looked when reflected in Castiel's brilliant blue eyes.

* * *

_Back to the Present_

Dean was gone. The portal was closed and didn't look like it could open again, and the lone angel stood on the other side, staring longingly. Well, he'd sent Dean away, hadn't he?

He'd dropped Dean's hand, when the two of them clutched desperately to each other as they were slowly pulled apart. Purgatory pulled Cas, and Earth pulled Dean, until Cas felt his hand start to slip. He'd let go, and shouted to Dean, telling him to "Go!" and Dean had stared back, expression scared, panicked, and surprise.

"Cas!" Cas had seen the shout on Dean's lips, but before it could escape, the portal closed and Cas fell back, fingers still trembling from the force of his and Dean's hold on each other's wrists.

He'd known this would happen. He knew Dean would make it, but he also had known he would not be joining him. That was okay. Castiel was lost, maybe, but Dean was found and that made it okay.

He would miss the hunter. He would miss the way firelight would dance and turn his eyes into pools of orange a top a mossy green background. He would miss the determination, the "No, Cas, I am _not_ leaving you."

They had been holding each other's hands, but Cas dropped Dean's and told him to run. Now he had disappeared from Dean's life. The two of them stood on separate ends of the world with no way of seeing each other.

There was nothing for him to do. He'd been hanging on earlier, because somehow abandoning Dean was the only thing he couldn't bring himself to do, but now he'd let go of Dean's hand and was gone. He honestly didn't care anymore.

* * *

_Several Days Later_

"Dean, are you okay?" Only a couple of days after Dean's return, and were they already back to this? Of course he wasn't okay, he'd been with his best friend for a whole year but now Cas was gone and _how could he be okay?_

"I'm _fine,_ Sam," he bit back. Maybe he was lying, a little bit, but his emotions were a can of worms he did not want to go into right now.

Sam raised his eyebrows, but didn't say anything, and Dean was left feeling uncomfortable. He hadn't spoken to Sam in well over a year, and Sam seemed to have settled down pretty well. He was much more relaxed than he'd been when he had been pulled into Purgatory. Dean figured it was due to something he didn't like, but at the moment, he didn't care.

He was lonely. Sam seemed to have pretty damn well without him, Benny was gone, and Cas- well, was gone. He had never felt so alone before, and he couldn't help but find himself merely going through the motions, doing what Frank had told him to do, a while back when they were still fighting Leviathans.

"_Smile, fake it until you've even got yourself convinced. Tell yourself "one more week" and when it gets tough, one more day." _Frank had told him, listless gray eyes boring into his and letting Dean know exactly how much the older man depended on it.

He missed Cas. He missed Cas so much it hurt to think about it, because there was an angel in Purgatory that was only there because Dean had been too weak to hold on. He'd let go of his hand and let his best friend disappear, and now he was alone and absolutely _not_ heartbroken and generally just upset.

Sam let the matter of his wellbeing drop. There was no arguing with Dean when he belted everything down like this. When Dean was determined to keep his emotions hidden, there was never away around it. Dean would tell, eventually.

Sam didn't really _need_ Dean to tell him, of course. He could see it in his brother's face, in the way that sometimes his eyes went misty when he stared off into space. He saw it in the way Dean's gaze hardened whenever Cas's name was mentioned, he saw it when Dean woke up, pale and shaking, plagued by nightmares he hadn't had since last time they thought Cas died. His brother _missed_ the angel, missed him a lot more than Sam had expected.

There was something else, but Dean wasn't spilling and Sam couldn't figure it out without more knowledge. But he could wait. Dean usually told Sam after a while, if he really couldn't handle it by himself.

* * *

_Purgatory, present time _

There was a bright light in Purgatory, something uncharacteristic of the place. It was white, almost heavenly white, and sure enough, he heard the whining noises of angel radio. He stood stock still, not wanting to stay but not wanting to leave with his brothers and sisters.

"Please!" he begged, trying to get the voices and light to fade. He held up his hands placatingly and backed away, shying away with his head ducked.

"We got him," someone shouted, and a yanking sensation rendered his wings useless, trapped in an invisible hold and keeping him from flying away.

Cas flinched, and stumbled backward, wishing he was with Dean to have another guy to hold his back. "Leave me alone!" he shouted, trying to hide away in the trees and bushes.

No such luck. A hand descended upon him, grabbed his shoulder, and with a forceful tug, pulled him back into Earth. He cried out, and used what remained of his powers to try to get away, but no such luck.

There he was, out of Purgatory, standing next to the highway, covered in mud and blood, staring up at a canopy of glowing green leaves and a sunny blue sky.

Cas blinked, wondering how the forests of Purgatory could be gone so quickly, and of course marveling at the difference between Earth and Purgatory. The forests in Purgatory seemed so much _grayer_ than the ones on Earth. Purgatory had less color, less movement. Everything had been still except their own movement and the movement of other monsters. Here, birds chirped and the occasional squirrel hopped through the undergrowth. The leaves were deep, wonderful green, and seemed as light and airy as Heaven itself. It was so much warmer here, too, and he felt no predatory gazes on him here. He was safe on Earth, more or less, and this place was beautiful and soft and absolutely amazing and _damn,_ the angel was glad to be back.

Cas smiled, stopping for a second to look around him and see everything around him, where nothing hungered for his Grace and he was safe and free. He reached down, digging his fingers in Earth soil and marveling in the warmth and the tiny insects he could see crawling in the dirt.

Cas's smile widened, and he blinked. Purgatory… somehow, he had blinked and was back in Purgatory. He blinked again, more rapidly, and found himself still crouched on the ground, but surrounded by gray trees, gray leaves, gray dirt and a gray would have just dismissed the moment of Earth as a longed-for daydream, if not for the pieces of dirt still clinging onto the skin of his hands. He crushed his tiny flame of hope out, insisting that cracking into Purgatory did more harm than good, that it was for the best he was here and that he might as well get used to it.

* * *

_Two days later_

Castiel's return was strange and wonderful, but Dean couldn't really enjoy it as much as he wanted to.

He'd let Cas go. Cas had held his hand, they had been about to escape together, but his best friend slipped through his fingers with a long, echoing cry of "DEAN!" Dean had tried, tried to reach back out and help him, but Cas slipped down the hill and was already under attack once more, Leviathans still trying to eat his best friend as the portal closed and Dean was left all alone in that forest in Maine.

Now, though, Cas was standing in front of him, in his cheap hotel room, bedecked in a new, crisp and clean trench coat, a pressed white shirt and black coat, and the same old crooked blue tie. The beard he'd grown in Purgatory was gone, along with the mud that previously discolored the skin on his face. His hair, too, had been cut shorter, was clean, and much more civilized looking. He looked so normal, and it had been so long since Dean had seen him in those clothes that he was feeling uncharacteristically emotional. Even if he was feeling uncharacteristically emotional, he had good reason. He was pretty sure what happened in Purgatory classified as traumatic experience, and now suddenly everything was normal.

He had missed Cas. He was extremely grateful his angel was back, especially because he seemed normal. Not dark and moody, like he'd been in Purgatory, or insane, like he'd been before. Normal, ridiculous, dorky Castiel, angel of the lord.

But something was still wrong. There was no explanation for how his angel has escaped. Benny had said that was the _only_ way out, and it obviously didn't work for Cas. How had he escaped, and why didn't he remember?

He had to accept that Cas didn't remember, because if he did he was lying to Dean, and Dean had hoped their relationship had gone past the whole lying thing a while ago.

For now, though, Dean just wanted to revel in the fact his best friend was alive, normal, and _there_, sitting at the foot of the bed watching television like the one year he was gone was the most interesting year in human history. Dean wanted to touch him, to make sure he was really there and not just some sick hallucination, but that would be weirdly gay and he wasn't going to go there just yet.

So he sat back, immersed himself in research for the missing kid he and Sam were researching, and appreciate that even though his best friend had dropped his hand and disappeared for a while, he was here now and if Dean had his way, he would be _here_ for a long, long time.

* * *

**R&R!**

**If my English teacher is reading this (which is cool, but also weird), hello.**


End file.
